The Amazingly Idiotic Ones
by Chiharu Kumori
Summary: CRACKFIC. Riku, Sora, Axel, and Xemnas share a house together and, of course, mayhem ensues! RATED M FOR CURSING, STRANGE HUMOR, AND MILD PERVERSION!
1. Rooms on Fire, Plus Whipped Cream

A/N: I wrote this a looong while back, but for some reason I never got around to working with it. I found it and read over it and I just HAD to start it back up and post it--it's too funny NOT to show to the world!! To explain, when I wrote this I was obsessed with an old British comedy called, "The Young Ones," which is hilarious. I got the idea to write a KHII crackfic (as usual) similar to The Young Ones, and this was the result. I don't plan for this to go anywhere, to be honest. It's probably just going to be never-ending and updated every time I get bored. Eh well, at least you have something to read that doesn't require a lot of brain activity xDD Works out for everyone!

**WARNING: THIS CRACKFIC IS WRITTEN WHEN I AM: HALF ASLEEP, STRESSED OUT, AND DAZED AND CONFUSED. NONE OF THIS IS MEANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY, AND YOU PROBABLY WON'T UNDERSTAND THIS FANFICTION IF YOU DON'T HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR OR EASILY TAKE OFFENSE TO WHATEVER THE HELL IT IS PEOPLE TAKE OFFENSE TO. And I'm tired of using caps lock because I just realized it's very obnoxious. But so is this fanfiction. Yeah. Basically, I'm only putting this here to avoid any random flames or whatever. Yeah. I do this for fun, it's my outlet for those random thoughts and ideas we all get in the back of our heads so, please, do not take this fanfiction seriously. Especially in later chapters. Thank you.**

_**DISCLAIMER:**_ If I owned KHII, don't you think you'd actually be SEEING this stuff in the game? As for "The Young Ones," I wasn't even alive when it was out! All I own are my ideas and my scary, perverted imagination--and I don't think anyone wants that, am I right? xP

_**The Amazingly Idiotic Ones  
**_A KHII Crackfic  
Chapter One: Rooms on Fire--Plus Whipped Cream

Riku peeked into the cookie jar to find that it was completely bare.

"Now just who in the hell has been eating my cookies?!" He exclaimed utterly enraged yet extremely exasperated.

Sora put his newspaper down slowly and averted his eyes over at Riku. A smile then plastered itself across Sora's face, a big cheesy one that was so wide it made his eyes disappear because he was squinting so much.

Riku's eyes widened and his lips pursed together. He was pissed. Sora knew what this meant, and that smile began to fade gradually.

"YOU!" Riku finally shouted as his finger accompanied him by pointing in Sora's direction. "YOU ATE MY CORNFLAKES!"

"WAIT A MINUTE I CAN EXPL--Wait, what?! Cornflakes!? I thought this was about cook--iiiiieeeeeeeee--aaaah hahahahaha, um…" Sora smiled once again, his eyes roaming about the room as if they were doing all the thinking, talking, and decision-making for Sora.

"No, Riku, I did not eat your cornflakes." Sora then smiled again. And now it was starting to get incredibly annoying.

"Oh, OH! Well who did then?! Answer me that, Sora! Answer that!" Riku placed his hands on his hips and began to tap his foot in such an effeminate way it makes one wonder about his true sexual preference. Top, or bottom? We shall never know…

Sora, whilst still firmly holding onto his newspaper with one hand, scratched his head in total amazement at Riku's girlish behavior. _"Why the hell do girls like him? It must have something to do with his hair."_ Sora thought to himself, beginning to lose sight of what the initial argument was in the first place.

_"But his hair is gray, right? So, like, doesn't that mean he's old?"_

_"Or maybe it's not his hair. Maybe it's his eyes."_

_"They DO mesmerize me sometimes… ooh…"_

_"No, no, it's probably not his eyes. It's probably his muscles."_

_"But… but I have muscles!!"_

_"Oh, hell, it probably just has to do with what's in his pants."_

_"But he looks like a girl, he talks like a girl, he ACTS like a girl, he--"_

_"No, wait, that's Xemnas."_

_"Yeah. What was I thinking about again?"_

* * *

Meet the Amazingly Idiotic Ones. Riku, Sora, Axel, and Xemnas. Yes, my dears, that IS theme music you are hearing in your head! 

So make up your own lyrics, 'cause like, I can't think of any.

All right, all right, here.

_LOVE IS LIKE A BOMB_

_BABY COME ON, GET IT ON_

_LIVIN' LIKE A LOVER WITH A RADAR PHONE_

_LOOKIN' LIKE A TRAMP, LIKE A VIDEO VAMP_

_DEMOLITION WOMAN, CAN I BE YOUR MAN?_

Okay, that's enough.

* * *

"SORA! WHY AREN'T YOU ANSWERING ME?!" Riku was still tapping his foot angrily. At this point, I felt he was surely just upset with the torpedoes. Damn the torpedoes! 

Sora snapped back out of his thoughts and looked up at Riku, his chin all red from having been leaning on his hand for so long.

"Huh? What was the question?" Sora was clueless, as usual. He was quite the spaced out hippie. Peeeeeeeace, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.

Riku had forgotten the original argument himself, but he was still angry and Sora had no right to ignore him like that.

"WHY ARE THERE NO GODDAMN COOKIES IN THE CUPBOARD?!" Riku screamed. He had to bitch at Sora for something, right?

Sora's eyes bulged out of his head and he began to shake and shiver and quiver and liver and--WHATEVER!

"G-gee, Riku, I-I have no i-ideaheeeeeeey! How 'bout that, th-there's a sale at Quigley's Lingerie Shop! Whaddya say we go see what they've got?" Sora nodded his head eagerly, which makes one wonder… well, no, not really.

Riku's eye twitched. Oh no.

"NO, DAMMIT! THERE ARE NO COOKIES IN THE CABINET, AND I WANT TO KNOW WHERE THEY WENT RIGHT NOW!" He folded his arms, tapped his foot, and stared at Sora. Without blinking. COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.

Okay, so there were no cookies in the cabinet. The microwave broke. And Sora's easy bake oven was sort of… damaged in a little accident Riku likes to call 'World War IV.' Long story short: Xemnas dipped his chicken into Axel's peanut butter.

Riku was angry, and hungry, and horny. BUT WAIT A MINUTE THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THE POINT HERE!

Just then, a random object came around the corner. It was red and tiny and scared the crap out of Riku.

"OMGOMGOMGIT'SAREDTHINGYIT'SGONNAKILLMEOMGOMGHELP!" Riku shrieked as he hurriedly climbed up onto the table and hopped around like a bumbling idiot.

Having fallen out of his chair at the unbelievably loud shrill noise he heard, Axel was alarmed. He immediately felt that he should run around the house screaming that there was a fire. Because, you know, times like these certainly call for absolute panic.

"OMFGOMFG THERE'S LIKE A FIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE!!!!!" Axel ran around in circles, flailing his arms about and screaming like a moron. The funny thing is, Axel's element is fire, so why he'd be afraid of it… Well, that's crackfiction for you.

Axel's natural fire is triggered every time he gets into a panic, for defense purposes. But in this case, it only made this worse. And so, flames shot out of his fingers and hit whatever it was around him… as in, everything.

So now there really was a fire.

Sora's eyes widened and he jumped up immediately, his eyes watering with panic. "FIRE?! OH NO, WE MUST SAVE THE ANIMALS!" with that, Sora went to hop over the table, but to no surprise whatsoever, he ran straight into Riku and they both fell to the floor.

"I DON'T CARE IF WE ONLY HAVE TWO MORE SECONDS TO LIVE, SORA, I AM NOT GOING TO LOSE MY VIRGINITY TO YOU!" Riku shouted, rather… disappointingly! Damn! I thought Riku had skill in that department!

Er. NEVER MIND THAT!

Axel tried endlessly to put the fire out. Not with a fire extinguisher, mind you, but whipped cream. YES, WHIPPED CREAM.

"THIS ISN'T WORKING!!" Axel threw the whipped cream can down and took out a hose.

"NOW YOU'RE GONNA GO OUT, DAMMIT!"

After a few minutes of arguing and screaming, Riku and Sora hurriedly got up, tried to run away, smacked into each other, fell backwards, tripped over all the crap they had on the floor, and after even more time wasted, they managed to make it to the door.

But then it opened to something even more terrifying than any fire.

"OH MY GOD, IT'S THE BOOGIE MAN'S WIFE!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Riku and Sora shouted and screamed simultaneously, making a run for it in the opposite direction.

The thing at the door, however, was NOT the boogie man's wife. It was none other than Xemnas, who'd been out at the salon all day getting a makeover.

"Like, what's your problem? And, like, why is everything, like, black and, like, wet, like, oh my GAWD!"

Riku and Sora, still in yet another panic, ran into the kitchen and slid all across it. It was covered in whipped cream and water, after all, and they were running quite fast…

Axel was sitting in the living room, on a wet couch, blowing on his nails and wiping them on his cloak. He leaned back and put his hands behind his head.

"I'm. So. AWESOME." Suuure, Axel, suuuuuuure.

CRASH!

Axel's self-praising session was abruptly interrupted by the sound of two morons' clumsiness. "What the hell was that?"

Riku and Sora both ran faces first into the wall and fell backwards, at the feet of Xemnas.

They screamed again.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH GET AWAY GET AWAY GET AWAAAAAAAAAY!!" They desperately tried to get up, only to fall into the same predicament. Yet again.

"Waaaaaaaaaait, hold on guysssss! It's me, Xemnas!" Xemnas assured… kind of.

Riku and Sora looked at each other, and looked up at Xemnas. Their eyes widened. They looked at each other again, and screamed.

Axel ran to the kitchen, but remembered not to step onto the floor. "What the hell is going on in her--Oh, my God. Xemnas, dammit! Did you get another makeover?!" Axel wasn't afraid of Xemnas. He had proven that he was 38538430 times awesomer than Xemnas, after all.

"Of course! Do you think my looks just come naturally? Hell no, mister!" Xemnas. Was. So. FUCKING GIRLY!!

Riku and Sora were completely worn out, and passed out, and dead, and wet, and covered in whipped cream. And they're both virgins, too.

* * *

A few hours later, they all sat in the living room, on their sopping wet couch. 

"What are we going to do about the damage this house has undergone?" Riku asked.

"Same thing we always do. Have Sora do it." Axel answered.

They all looked at Sora, whose bottom lip was hanging out so much you'd think he were a fish.

"Why do I always get stuck doing the chores?" He whined. Poor Sora.

Riku looked over on the ground and saw some little red thing. He went over and picked it up to examine it, "Oh, so that's where the cap to my bottle of Coke went!"

* * *

A/N: So that's it for now! Hope you liked it, even though it is a little strange, random, and, uh, well yeah xDDD I ran out of ideas, unfortunately T.T Damn writer's block! Well, at least I broke out of it for a while. Hopefully the next chapter will be full of ideas and funny stuff xDDD 


	2. Pour Some Popcorn on Me

A/N: Yay! A new chapter! A very long, random, incredibly weird chapter filled to the brim with crack. Yes yes. As with most of the crackfics I write, I was half-asleep when I did this. I intended to spend a few minutes typing out ideas (hence the rather abrupt beginning) and minutes turned into 3 hours and a few words turned into 5 and a half pages of story. But, hey, at least you've got something to laugh at! Very OOC, and the characters' personalities somewhat differ from the first chapter. Riku is less feminine and more obnoxious, Sora... well, he's about the same, uh... Axel is a bit more destructive, and Xemnas... Xemnas has more lines! Yeah.

_**DISCLAIMER: I don't own KHII. If I did… it'd be some pretty scary stuff, man. Oh, and clearly I don't own any other movies, songs, objects, people, etc. that I mention… at points… either. Yeah. OH! And The Young Ones only INSPIRED this fanfiction. This is in no way actually meant to be a parody or the like... It's just very similar. And no, I don't own that either.**_

_**The Amazingly Idiotic Ones  
**_A KHII Crackfic  
Chapter Two: Pour Some Popcorn on Me

"i see dead people." Sora sat in a corner. A dark corner. Hugging his knees, his eyes widened, staring into space at nothing, whispering these words again and again.

"i see dead people."

"i see dead people."

"i see dead people."

"i see dead people."

"i see dead people."

"OH THE HUMANITY!" Axel shouted as he tugged at his bright red hair in irritation as he became even more annoyed at the sight, the sound, the _smell_ of Sora's massive mental breakdown.

"WILL SOMEBODY MAKE HIM STOP BEFORE I MAKE _HIM_ A DEAD PERSON?!" Axel threatened as his eyes burned with Resolve… No, really. The night before, Xemnas and Axel had a duel with the cleansers under the kitchen sink and Xemnas sprayed the Resolve carpet cleaner into Axel's eyes. That stuff burns like hell, you know!

"So Sora sees dead people. BIG DEAL! Jeez, why don't **I** ever get any attention around here?!" Xemnas whined, being the self-centered moron he is, sitting on the end of the couch with his legs crossed, filing his finger nails.

Riku, who seemed to be the only reasonable one of the four at this point, sat in the recliner, resting his chin on his hand deeply pondering a way to repair this problem.

"OH, JESUS SORA, WAKE UP! YOU'RE SO PATHETIC, YOU KNOW, SITTING THERE WHINING LIKE A BABY! OH MY, I SEE DEAD PEOPLE! DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT'S GOING TO MAKE US CARE ANYTHING FOR YOU AT ALL?!"

Forget what I said before. Riku was just as unreasonable as the others.

Still, Sora sat, though, with his gaze averted deeply into the empty space before him. This would prove to be a very difficult situation…

Axel, who'd previously been practically writhing on the floor in agony had begun to simply stare into space himself, his hand on his chin in deep thought. For real this time.

"You know… this reminds me of something…" Axel was onto something.

Riku averted his gaze from the window, as he was staring at some girl's ass as she walked down the street, to Axel. "What the hell could this possibly remind you of?" Riku never really did care for common logic.

"That movie… You know, where that kid goes 'I SEE DEAD PEOPLE' and and and stuff. What was it called…" Axel began to lose his train of thought. Going… going…

"OH THAT REMINDS ME! Any of you guys wanna go to the movies later?! I hear there's this great new movie in theaters called--" GONE.

"WILL YOU STAY ON TOPIC FOR ONCE?!" Riku demanded. He had quite the short fuse. Yes, indeed. Yeah, no further comments.

Xemnas always hated it when he knew what someone was talking about but at the same time hadn't the slightest idea what it was called.

He sat there, filing away at his finger nails whilst in deep thought. Then again, the deepest his thoughts ran was shallow because he was so damn stupid he couldn't delve any deeper than that.

Axel nodded at Riku's response, and returned back to the point. "Oh, right. That movie. It was called, uh… uh…" Don't we all know what it's like to forget the name of a movie or forget what movie an actor is from or something of the sort? Makes you just want to lose it and scream and throw things, of course we wouldn't do that.

But this is Axel. He WOULD.

And he did.

He growled and immediately grabbed the object closest to him, which happened to be the telephone. It flew across the room like a bird on caffeine. That wasn't enough, though, oh no. Not for Axel.

"DAMMIT, WHAT THE HELL WAS THE NAME OF THAT MOVIE!?" And there went the caller ID.

And the remote control.

And the mug on the coffee table.

And the magazines on the coffee table.

And the coffee table.

"5 CENTS?! NO… NO… 50 CENT?! NO, THAT'S NOT IT! AAAHHH, WHAT IS IT!?"

And the TV flew out of the window.

And the couch went out the door.

And the pictures on the walls went flying down the halls.

And the kitchen table was shoved down the garbage disposal.

"COMMON SENSE?! NO, NO… NO! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHAT IS THE NAME OF THAT MOVIE?!"

Riku, having enjoyed the show too much to let slip his information, thought it enough that the living room and the kitchen were now in complete and total shambles decided it was time to put a halt to this.

"Was it, by any chance… THE SIXTH SENSE?!" Riku sat with his arms folded and a really cheesy look on his face. Not happy, but not mad. Disgusted is probably more like it ,with a hint of pleasure and… something… I don't know.

And to a halt Axel came, holding the refrigerator over his head just as he was about to throw it across the street. His head jerked to the side to where Riku was, and a smile came across his face.

Though it seemed that the fridge might be spared due to this smile, the fact is quite the contrary. Axel was just as destructive when he was excited as when he was in an enraged berserk frenzy.

So the refrigerator ended up in the street smashed to bits anyways.

"THAT'S IT! YEAH!! The Sixth Sense was the name of that movie! Do you know what I'm talking about now?!" He stood in the middle of the bare living room with his hands out, looking back and forth between Riku and Xemnas.

"Oh, yeah! I remember now!! It was that movie with that really cute girl actress named Haley! Am I right?!" Xemnas… was actually somewhat right.

Riku and Axel gave disgusted looks in Xemnas' direction.

"HALEY JOEL OSMENT IS A GUY, YOU WORTHLESS BLOB OF MILDEW!!" Riku was so easily irritated by Xemnas' ignorance of obvious facts.

"Oh…" and thus, Xemnas trailed off into other thoughts better left unnoted.

Riku shook his head in annoyance and then came back to the bigger picture.

Which was Sora. Who still sat in the corner, hugging his knees, and whispering 'I see dead people' over and over again… Still…

Riku looked from Sora to Axel, back to Sora, and then back to Axel. "WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH SORA!?" Riku really needed to lay off the caffeine. Either that or he needed some other kind of lay…

Axel's smile faded into reality, and then he became immensely angry. "How the hell should I know?! I don't know what Haley Joel Osment has to do with Sora! I'm not the one who--ooo… uh… Hey, you know what? I JUST WANT TO GO TO THE GODDAMN CINEMA AND SEE SAW 4!!!!!" Of course.

Xemnas hurriedly jumped up and agreed. This was a very scary looking sight. Xemnas _agreeing_ on something with Axel. "YEAH!! I WANNA SEE-SAW FOR TWOOOOOO!!!"

What the hell is Xemnas doing in this story?!?

Axel's palm immediately become one with his face.

Riku's palm immediately become one with Xemnas' face. Repeatedly.

"YOU ARE GOING TO SHUT UP BEFORE I HAVE THE SUDDEN URGE TO KILL YOU!" Riku warned, saying each word in unison with each slap of Xemnas' face.

As Riku walked away from Xemnas, Xemnas fell to the floor with his hands on his cheeks and his bottom lip sticking out so far it could've been used as a step. Then he got up.

"DAMN YOU RIKU, NOW I HAVE TO HAVE ANOTHER FACIAL AND I'M ONLY ALLOWED ONE A DAY!! NOW I HAVE TO BREAK MY ROUTINE BECAUSE YOU LOST YOUR TEMPER!!" Xemnas flailed all four extremities in such an anime fashion it could've made you INSTANTLY turn into a chibi version of yourself. Big eyes, spiky colorful hair, and all.

It's such a shame Sora had to miss this. Then again, who knows what's really going on in his mind…?

* * *

S O R A ' S T H O U G H T S -INSERT TWINKLY MUSIC HERE- 

_"Why doesn't Kairi love me?"_

_"Why can't Kairi see me for who I am?"_

_"Why do I live with Xemnas?"_

_"Why did I agree to pay ¾ of the rent instead of the ¼ everyone else pays towards the ¼ that I don't pay?"_

_"Why didn't I go through puberty?"_

_"Why did the keyblade choose me?"_

_"Why am I friends with Disney characters?"_

_"Why do I exist?"_

_"Why did the chicken cross the road?"_

_"Why do fools fall in love?"_

Deeeeeeeeep, maaaaaaaaaan.

T H E E N D -RECORD SCRATCHES-

* * *

"Oh, AGAIN with the damned facials!! Xemnas! You're a man! Men don't GET facials!! We grow facial hair, but we don't GET FACIALS!" Riku had now gone into a territory that always started a war. 

Silver-Haired Bishie vs. Silver Haired… Another-B-word-I-won't-use-this-early-in-the-fanfiction!

YEAH! BRING ON THE CHOCOLATE SAUCE!

…Did I just _SAY_ that?

"I'll go get the popcorn." With that Axel flung himself into the kitchen and shoved a bag of popcorn in the microwave. "Should only take about… hmm… Well, 3 minutes never seems to do. There are always those little kernels at the bottom! So let's go for 30 minutes. Yeah! They'll DEFINITELY all be popped that way!"

This will end badly.

"Ha! You're just jealous that I'M hot and sexy! Any girl would choose me over you, and you know it!" Xemnas already started with that whole unspoken rivalry thing between the two of them. Or maybe, since this happened quite often, it's pretty obvious that it's quite spoken. Shouted even.

Riku's deep aqua eyes widened and his lips curled into a smile as a chuckle crept out of his mouth. "HA!! HAHAHAHA! Yeah, right, only if she were a lesbian!"

"OH! ONE FOR RIKU!" Axel exclaimed in such a victorious sing-songy tone that you knew he was siding with Riku on this one. Then again, wouldn't you?

Xemnas' jaw dropped, hit the floor, and even further. "YEAH, WELL! WELL!! At least men don't look at me with that gleam in their eyes the way they look at you!" Xemnas practically writes the insults himself. Then again, I write his lines for him, and I also write the insults so now we know why.

"That's because even MEN would choose me over you, which is pretty sad since you look so much more feminine than I do!" These things just roll off of Riku's tongue like--let's not go there.

Axel was loving this. He'd wait all week JUST for this. He'd mark it on his calendar in a heartbeat if the day were that predictable!

"THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN THE CINEMA!" He exclaimed with such joy it could've made him pee with delight.

And no, he didn't.

Poor Sora, though… still… lost… in emotion…

"Hey guys!"

Or not.

Sora awoke with a shake of his head in an expectedly goofy way.

"NOT NOW SORA!" Xemnas and Riku scolded simultaneously as they scowled in Sora's specific direction.

Sora's smile fell at this, then he looked to Axel to see a very familiar look on his face. He hopped up with an unmistakably happy spring in his step.

"Dude, it's that time of the week again, isn't it?!" He asked, anxiously awaiting Axel's reply.

Axel nodded his head enthusiastically. "Man, you missed so much!"

Sora sat himself on the floor, propping himself up on his toes, the heels of his shoes imprinting themselves into his ass, with his knees spread apart "Tell me everything I missed! Don't leave out a detail!"

Axel made himself comfortable on the floor and took a deep breath. "Okay, well, first--"

"Excuse ME, Lucy and Ethel! We are TRYING to have an ARGUMENT HERE!" Riku spouted out the top of his lungs this sentence that so reminds us of… what the hell, I don't know, you tell me.

Axel and Sora leaned back towards the wall out of the way of the battlefield and kept their mouths shut.

"Thank you." Riku bestowed upon them the honor of his forgiveness, and then turned to Xemnas.

Inhale, exhale.

"YOU SLIMY LITTLE SWAMP CREATURE! AT LEAST I DON'T WEAR DRESSES!"

"THEY ARE NOT DRESSES! They're ROBES, you ignorant Beverly Hillbilly!!"

"Oh, OH! And I suppose that's supposed to be some play on the fact that I watch reruns of that show?!"

"YEAH! YEAH IT IS! And you know what ELSE?! YOU'RE A FAKE SILVETTE!"

"OH RIGHT LIKE--Wait a minute, What the HELL are you talking about!?"

"My hair is naturally silver. UNLIKE YOURS, RIKU! I SAW THAT BOTTLE OF SILVER SPRINGS #5 UNDER YOUR BATHROOM SINK!"

"…Xemnas, that's because we switched rooms last week and you NEVER TOOK YOUR STUFF OUT OF THE BATHROOM! WHICH IS WHY I'VE BEEN TRIPPING OVER RANDOM RUBBERY OBJECTS EVERY MORNING!"

"Oh… oh… uh… YEAH! Well…! I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER!!"

"NO YOU DON'T!"

"YES I DO! I SAW YOU WITH THAT GIRL! What was her name… Kai… something…"

Hmm… this is getting interesting.

Sora's eyes widened. This couldn't be… he didn't… with KAIRI did he?!

"Kylie, you dumb bastard, KYLIE! And that was KYLIE MINOGUE! Axel and I went to one of her concerts and we came home with one of the dancers and--uh… NEVER MIND WHAT WE DID!" The pink in Riku's cheeks rose into a deep crimson shade in 2.5 seconds flat.

Sora's eyes burst out of the sockets and landed on the floor.

"YOU WENT TO THE KYLIE MINOGUE CONCERT AND DIDN'T INVITE ME!?!?!!?!?" This is the point where Sora would look at Axel with such a betrayed look in his eyes… had his eyes not have been rolling around on the floor…

"We only had two tickets… And, let's face it Sora, if I would've been seen with you, no chick would've wanted me!" Axel couldn't apologize his way out of someone's ass if the situation called for that. But I suppose if such a situation existed, this would be where it'd happen though.

Riku jerked his head towards Axel's direction, his eyes twitching a bit. "What do you mean if YOU would've gone with Sora? I won those tickets, you know! It would've been ME that would've had to go with Sora had I not have been smart enough to give you the other ticket!" Riku argued, waving his hands about and twitching every so often.

And now a Holy War has begun. This is one of those instances where all four roommates hate each other and are screaming and yelling at each other. And soon enough, there'll be an object or 50 thrown about the house.

Sora pushed his eyeballs back into his head and stood up. "NOW HOLD ON JUST A MINUTE, WHO SAYS NO CHICK WOULD WANT MY BODY?! FOR YOUR INFORMATION, KAIRI SAID I HAVE A VERY NICE--UM. FORGET THAT!" Sora shook his head and waved his hands rapidly in front of him, his cheeks now growing into a bright red color.

"Oh… GOD! Tell me you didn't meet some Kairi cosplayer online again…" Riku shook his head, remembering the last incident that resulted in him having to pay the girl $100 bucks to stay quiet.

Xemnas was getting angry. He was being ignored. He hated to be ignored. He hated it so much, it made him want to cry.

"DAMN YOU ALL! HOW DARE YOU NOT EVEN THINK TO ASK ME OUT FOR ONCE! YOU ONLY THINK ABOUT YOURSELVES AND--"

BONK!

Xemnas fell to the floor due to suffering from a blow to the head caused by a large, hard, loaf of Italian bread that came flying out of nowhere.

Axel was then found standing beside a poorly-concealed pile of crumbs, ever so suspiciously…

So the four of them--I mean, the three of them kept on fighting. Over girls, cars, money, and baked goods. You name it, they fought over it.

"You know, it's ALL YOUR FAULT, SORA!" Riku pointed his finger very obnoxiously in Sora's direction now.

Sora was taken aback by this, and his eyes widened. "Me?! What did I do this time!?" Sora asked, pointing to himself as if to mock Riku. Or something.

Riku, still holding his finger in the air, looked about the room, his lips quivering a bit. "Well… WELL I DON'T KNOW, BUT IT'S ALWAYS YOUR FAULT!"

"YEAH! He's right! Whenever something bad happens around here, it's ALWAYS your fault, Sora! That shouldn't even be the question!" Axel stepped behind Riku, only to be shoved aside.

Riku peered his eyes over his right shoulder at the redhead that stood there. "WHO SAID YOU COULD SIDE WITH ME YOU SPIKY HAIRED PYROMANIAC!?" Riku just had to go there.

The fire in Axel's eyes burned, and burned… and burned again! "HOW DARE YOU CALL ME SPIKY HAIRED! YOU KNOW VERY WELL THAT--"

-INSERT LOUD EXPLOSION NOISE HERE-

"What the hell was that?!" Sora and Riku shouted simultaneously, both knowing by the lack of Axel's voice in unison with theirs that he had something to do with it.

Suddenly, the smell of burnt popcorn came wafting into the room, hindering amidst the black clouds that drifted into the air they were breathing.

"!! AXEL!! WHAT THE HELL!! DID YOU DO?!" Sora and Riku demanded through coughs and hacks.

Axel thought for a moment and then as he remembered the popcorn he placed in the microwave about 30 minutes ago, a big cheesy smile appeared on his face, one so wide his eyes disappeared.

"POPCORN'S READY!" He shouted, just a second before running out the door.

Sora and Riku ran after him in a whirling pool of raging anger, leaving Xemnas passed out in the living room, later to be found blackened by the smoke and reeking of burnt popcorn for a week.

* * *

A/N: It only figures I'd waste my energy and the little bit of writing inspiration I have on crackfiction, haha. Oh well, it helped ease the worries in the back of my mind, and hopefully it gives you something to laugh at, be it because it's actually funny or just because... Well, yeah xP 


End file.
